A Bug Inside My Brain
by loveyousox3
Summary: Follows season finale and everything that happened to Piper. POV based. Piper/Alex centered. / Feedback is welcomed as motivation to continue!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **First OITNB story. It's been a few months I don't write fanfics… But I think I can have good ideas to continue this, if you like it and give me feedback! Good reading. Xoxo Mel

As everything happens so slowly inside of prison, time is endless and it certainly doesn't go on when you're alone, some things can happen way too fast too just like in normal life. Only normally when that happens, in prison that probably means you're fucked, unless you're getting out. You don't see it happening. Suddenly, you have trouble with another prisoner. You just act because you've been defied; driven to do something bad, because of any feelings whatsoever that made you move forward. Suddenly, you're the bully. You're the attacker. You're on control. You didn't mean it, but it happens anyway.

And why the hell would I want to stop after seeing that Mrs. Healy wouldn't do anything for her not to hurt me? I told him Doggett wanted me dead and he turned away, almost smirking, like they had it all planned. So no matter how much more time I'd spend clenching my fists, pressing my nails deeps in my palms while she was throwing all those nonsense words at me, there was no turning back. I tried my hardest to blackout everything she was saying, until everything bad that had been happening in my life lately grew with her words, and like she asked for it, I was onto Tiffany's neck before I could stop myself.

I grabbed and spanked her and god, what else have I done, because I believed in her words. It became true.

_"I mean look at my dress. Have you seen it? How is that for poetry? Cause God loves me! He don't love you. Cause you ain't worthy of God's love. You ain't worthy of nobody's love!"_

I spent my whole life after I broke up with Alex trying to convince myself I was a good person and always could be better, trying to teach myself the so called _manners_ the regular blonde with a nice family and best friend should have. I got a nice boyfriend and I learned so much. I thought I _had_ compassion towards people above anything. I convinced myself all these years after that I left Alex because I needed to take care of myself, because she wasn't a good person to others and not just me, all of that. It changed when we met here again.

But the truth is, there is just so much more inside of me than good manners. Nobody should know that. I hate that side of me. There are many reasons I couldn't stay with Alex when I was younger, and I don't like to talk about it. And Doggett, with all that fucking _talk_ about _God_ that would never stop – it hurt so much in the head when I stopped to process every single thing she'd say to me, every single abusive word, _why could she never stop talking about someone – someone? – that doesn't even exist? _–, she ended up being the person in prison who corrected me the most, pointing out all that I was doing wrong, observing me all the time, exposing me to others, threatening my mental health. Doggett became like a flying bug inside my brain even before she was sent to Psych. It did feel wrong to have her close. Then again, my good manners got her out, because even though it was forced, that was the kind of thing Piper Chapman would do. I _had_ compassion towards people above anything. I had to have.

This sick part of me should never have gone out.

"_So I think it's time that you die."_

_No! No! No!_

I woke up covered by sweat, rocking my body against the mattress I lay on. Tears rolled down my face with the cold sweat and I felt entirely sick. It took me a while to regain consciousness to realize both my feet and hands were tied hard to the bed. I opened my eyes instantly and tried to look up, all the bright light reaching my eyes making it much harder. When I was able to focus, I saw that my wrists were full of bloody scratches, and my stomach growled.

Where the fuck am I?

I tried to move again, focusing on those scratches, and down my skin I found needle signs. I frowned. Fuck. All that horror that I felt when I went to solitary welled up inside me again. Did they lock me up for good?

"_Wake up, little bird." Alex whispered in the blonde's ear, already wanting her close again. She hugged Piper's waist from behind, making contact, and waited for a response. "Piper?"_

"_Hnnnnnnng." Piper answered, still groggy from sleep, turning her face around. "You're beautiful in the morning."_

"_What? Shut up." Alex laughed. "You didn't even open your eyes yet."_

"_I may be a little druuunk still," she replied, giggling, "but I realize you're not wearing panties."_

_Piper looked around for her new lover's thigh and plunged her lips to Alex's. They kissed passionately until Alex pulled the blonde entirely for herself and Piper pressed her hand into Alex's sex slowly._

"_Oh, God" Alex bit Piper's lower lip lovingly. "You know, you can touch me anytime you want." she detached some locks of blonde hair behind Piper's ear, and kissed her again. "I'm your first, aren't I?"_

_Piper hesitated, but seeing the other smile, she turned her attention to Alex's clitoris, circling it endlessly. She nodded as she moved on top of Alex, entering her with another finger. Alex was ready to protest, not being a submissive one, but she chose to throw her head back instead and moaned, allowing Piper to move up and suck on her neck. They moved faster._

"_You're beautiful in the morning."_

I needed to be saved now, not back then like I'd always say. When I was young… Alex… I just wanted things. Why won't she listen to me anymore? Why did Larry leave me? How would I not believe Doggett's words if she truly said I was not worthy of anyone's love, right in the week my life suddenly fell to pieces? Why couldn't I have been braver and picked the right person, as for she wouldn't have left, because she had been there all along?

Oh, Piper. You're full of shit. You piece of shit. You d_eserve _to be locked up. You murdered someone, didn't you? WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?! Why can't you just for once face the truth within yourself and deal with it and not lie to people? Hurt… This isn't about Alex!

It felt crazy, retorting myself like that quietly. Usually I did that walking around the room and jumping out of anxiousness. I couldn't even move now, my lips felt dry and I would never _dare _to say those things out loud. Not now. Not like this, not alone. I closed my eyes hard and cried, instead.

"_I feel like I'm in a Bourne movie. Have you killed?"_

My name is Piper Chapman. I always thought I had my emotions over control, but even as I try, I can't forget the dark, I… can't fix the crazy I always was.


	2. Chapter 2

It felt like I had two lives and no one liked that other me. That had bothered me all my life, and that's why I gave up on being adventurous, on being spontaneous. I wouldn't be here today if I had followed the rules from the beginning like my mother would tell me to.

Tiffany had seen me, despite my best efforts to keep my bad side in a cage. I think what made me so angry at her too was the fact that she didn't like both my sides. I had never thought the fact I didn't believe in Jesus could do that – it's a personal opinion, after all. The shelter I created had master purposes. Science was attractive. It _proved_ you wrong. It would shut you up. Science helped me become the smart kid in high school.

I don't know how long it's been I'm here because the light never changes, but I almost had a heart attack when a fucking detective entered the room hours ago.

_"How is the drug effect doing?" a tall, black man asked sharply._

_"Who are you?" Piper shot back still tied down to the mattress. She had just woken up after being so weak from the endless crying. "No I mean what… I'm sor-"_

_"Chapman!" the man shouted, wide eyed. "You are to keep quiet. Do not ask questions. Answer me."_

_"Yes, sir." Piper gulped, head hurting. "I feel like it's almost gone."_

_'Here comes the thousand questions I won't know how to answer' she thought. 'Good start, Piper, now he'll probably send a fucking nurse to feed you more sedatives!'_

_The blonde sighed, and chose to close her eyes while the man did his notes. The expression he held in his eyes was absolutely frightening, full of rage, and when he took a step forward she was sure he was going to hit her in the face for some reason, but of course he wouldn't do that._

_Piper opened her eyes, and found the man lowered on the ground, leveled with her own vision. She looked straight at him, that didn't carry any note pad anymore while he stood there observing her before he started to untie every string that had made her knuckles bloody since she'd open her eyes inside there. He didn't say a word, but the satisfaction Piper found when she was totally untied was close to the best orgasm she had ever had. She didn't dare to move._

_The man picked up his note pad from the ground and sat beside her in a rigid position, not taking his eyes away as if she'd attack._

_"You may sit." The policeman said with a rigid voice. "We need to talk about Tiffany Doggett and the former events that took place."_

_Piper wanted more than anything to ask him to be specific, since her head still felt so heavy it had probably been more than two days since it all had happened, but she didn't dare. She moved, slowly, landing her wrists on her lap. When she looked down at them for a fraction of second to know what they looked like, the tears came back instantly and she couldn't help herself. Piper sobbed._

_"I'm Detective Graham. Your wrists are like that because you put up a fight when you got here. Do you remember any of that?"_

_Piper looked away. "No."_

_"Okay… Chapman." The man took a deep breath. "A lot of shit happened here. Nobody knows what's going on, and you better start talking. Because I talked to those friends of yours, and every person in this prison said you were always someone that could not harm a fly. They even said you were… what was that… oh, yes. _A little too naïve sometimes_" the detective smirked. "So what the hell happened? Was that self defense?"_

_Seeing the man frowning, Piper wanted to say that he didn't know her. Did he talk to Alex? Nicky? Red? What about Mrs. Healy? Was this a trap? She wanted to use this lack of knowledge in her favor, but she was scared as hell to._

_"She attacked me, detective. Tiffany had been threatening me for days and she came at me late that night, when I was trying to get air."_

_"And weren't you supposed to be inside the party, Chapman? Celebrating Christmas like everyone was doing? Or you don't interact with the other girls for personal choice too?"_

_"I do… I was there. I was there but it got a little overwhelming. My fiancé had just broken up with me, and I had some disagreement with the girls I'm used to talk to… I guess I just wanted to be alone to think, and she didn't waste the opportunity even though she was singing on stage."_

_"It seems like you find trouble wherever you go."_

_Tears fell down again at the comment, and Piper felt weak like she really didn't need to right now._

_"Stop crying. This is a serious matter."_

_Piper nodded, rubbed her hands on her eyes, and turned her sight back to the detective. She knew what was next._

_"And keep your hands down, prisoner."_

_Piper could hardly keep it. She felt nothing like the debutante her mother insisted for her to be. What was the need everyone felt to speak to her in such a manner inside that place? The detective kept his mask, writing more, and ready to ask the next question._

_"The screwdriver was hers." Piper said when she saw him open his mouth. "It was Tiffany's."_

_"You mean that Doggett had Litchfield's screwdriver all along? And how did that happen if she…" the detective wrote down his thoughts, absentminded for a moment. "Never mind. How did you get it from her?"_

_"She took it from inside her pocket, detective. She had two weapons with her, so I attacked her back and was able to get the screwdriver from her hand."_

_Piper turned her head down, expecting to be yelled at. The detective rose up from the cold bed and nodded at her. "You're in a special area in Psych. I don't know what they're gonna do to you, but until this is solved, you're not gonna need to swallow too many pills if you keep it to yourself. But this isn't looking pretty, Chapman. Sam Healy saying one thing, he's out for your head. The man's a jerk, but he's got his contacts. If I were you, I'd enjoy my moment locked up in here."_

He left me water, and closed the door loudly on my face. Since I was free, I was paying attention to every cut in the walls, but there weren't many. It was all blank, so white I could be crazy if I stared too much. But where else would I look at? My feet weren't entertaining.

I sighed, massaging my wrists. I couldn't remember anything after being caught out on Tiffany's throat. They were brutal to me, and I screamed for Larry, and I swore I'd see him when I woke up. It had to be a bad dream. If prison wasn't working for me, maybe home would again. He would say he still wanted to marry the good Piper, that he trusted me, even though it wasn't his body I wanted.

But there really is no turning back, is there? All I want is Alex's arms around me again. I want to make love in the chapel and tell her we'll slip away together. Larry could never understand me after what I've done. Hell, I don't know if she could. I can't.

Tiffany Doggett might have screwed up the rest of my life. I might never leave this place. What if they transferred me to a worse prison in the Bahamas? Those cells you spend the rest of your life alone, where only real killers go to. And this might _not be_ temporary now. Everything's burned. Everything is ashes.

I wish I knew what you told them, Alex. I wish I could tell you how ashamed of myself I am. I even wish there were tears left for me to cry out, because my head pounded so hard and there was absolutely nothing I could do.

* * *

**A/N:** I'm happy the first chapter got so many follows and so I've worked through different ideas. One thing is for sure: I w_ant_ to explore Alex and Piper's relationship just as much as I want to explore Piper's mind. For that, I'll have to take them back in the past, and try my best for them to find a way to each other inside prison, I'm just not sure how to do that yet. I'm open to suggestions as we move forward!

If you guys want to contact me, I have a tumblr and I'm always looking for fandom friends! cantfixcrazy|tumblr


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Alex's POV

At first, I couldn't believe it. I thought they were gonna take her back here, but Piper hasn't been back for a week and no one knows what happened to her. I can't believe I let her go and refused to listen to her and the first opportunity she gets, she's all over Doggett's neck. I can't shake off the feeling a part of this is my fault.

It's not like I don't agree that it should have been done. The girls told me she was threatening Piper, leaving warnings even at her dorm when Piper hadn't done anything to provoke Jesus' right arm. Right arm, my ass. That woman deserved what she got. Doggett deserved Psych, deserved to die. I have no idea how it happened, but I _know_ it happened. Otherwise, how the heck the two of them just disappeared in the same day and never returned?

We heard things about Piper being locked up. After the Christmas celebration, just a few minutes later, everyone had disappeared, and although I and Nicholls were pretty busy with our own distractions, we could tell something was off. Everything inside was too silent, and suddenly a loud "oh my god" from outside caught our attention. We ran towards the courtyard, but it was all full of cops, and none of us could go outside. There were other people in uniforms we had never seen before – and then, in Caputo's arms was Piper, screaming _"let go of me!"_ over and over again, knowing that wouldn't happen so soon. In a few minutes, a van got them out of there, and I could see cops standing in front of _her_, but along with all the inmates, Nicholls and I were strongly pushed back and she held my hand when she saw I couldn't control my tears anymore.

All the girls were terrified that night. They all had been on stage, on the crowd, watching good things, singing, thinking about good things, Doggett had been the freaking _angel_ on stage. I couldn't talk, so I didn't ask much to the others, but I knew what I had seen, and that was her body lying down on the cold ground meters away from where it should have been. Inside.

Crazy Eyes spent that whole night crying, talking about how good Piper was to Red, who also couldn't believe any of what she thought had happened. Everything was crazy. Nicky offered to spend the night even though that would get us in trouble, but I didn't want any more touches, I didn't want any outsider opinions… I needed to deal with all of it. Piper left me, I told her I didn't want to talk or hear from her, and then she left me again. I thought she have might as well left herself that night. What the fuck has she done? The woman is completely crazy.

"Are you sleeping at all?" Nicky asked, sitting in the seat ahead me at breakfast. I yawned and shook my head.

"Not tonight. Are you?"

"Yeah, but girl you outta give a stop to that lesbian drama of yours. She's not coming back."

"What do you think they've done, Nicky?" I felt my eyes get full of tears and looked down at the cold coffee I didn't intend to drink.

"I don't know, Vause. I just know you're too pretty to be suffering for someone like her." Nicky looked at me and took my hand to give it a few comforting strokes.

"Thanks." I smiled and wiped the rolling tear. "I hated talking to that detective, you know? Since then it just gave me more questions. Before he came in, I even thought they could've taken her somewhere else."

"Do you two have that kind of connection you feel each other in space?" Nicky asked seriously, but when I looked up at her she started to laugh uncontrollably. "No, I mean it. Like, do you feel like she's close?"

I laughed too and nodded a little. "Shut up, you're skeptic. But yeah, I think she's close. Maybe they're investigating the case and she'll be back."

After that, Nicky robbed my coffee and made a few jokes as she had been trying lately to keep me up. It helped, and I felt glad. But please be back, Chapman… You stubborn crazy person. So you can rub in my face that you'll spend a long time in here because I didn't wanna listen to you and you went ahead to spread your rage somewhere else. I'll listen to you. Just come back.

Piper's POV

Once again I'm surviving only with water and really bad tasting food. I think they're most likely leftovers from the police dogs, which are already leftovers from the police guys. It smells awful, at least. Each time I wake up, that I still don't know if it's a morning, afternoon or night, I feel thinner and weaker, and each time I have a new song stuck in my head that I used to listen to before I came to prison.

Why did I ever surrender, anyway? No one surrenders, Piper. You were the actual only one. And you still managed to think you were fancy. Congrats.

Ways I enjoy my time locked up: I sing, crawl on floor, laugh out of nervousness when I think too much about what might happen to me, I try to talk to the nurses when they come in (only to fail, since they're mute), make lists in my head about my favorite things and think a lot about my love life, and how I managed to screw it all up in one week altogether.

When I remember Larry, I have good memories. We were one item. If you invited one of us to go to the movies or to go for a jog, the other would come too. It didn't matter you were a friend from work, completely out of context in the other's life. We completed each other. I never once felt uncomfortable with his strange friends, and I never heard him complaining about my college girlfriends. As in friends, of course. The only person I wouldn't introduce to Larry would be Alex, but it appears they met. Inside prison. Ha-ha. It's so fucked up.

When I first met him, all that situation and the Chinese occasion led me to remember one thing the first night we had sex: I liked Japanese food better. I think the Chinese standard just got inside my head just because Polly had it for her, and I liked to impress her, and I was sure my family would like him too, since he was a decent guy. But the new girl I was wanted to try being normal. And normal was… equal to everybody around me.

That's when the uptight thing started too: I was the boss to everything. Things had to go my way, things had to be planned before I did them, and otherwise things would roll down the sink. And we didn't want that, did we? No, we didn't. We had it established. I had discovered the best way of how I worked. Back then, my life was good. I didn't have plans for an intimation that would lead me to an agreement with the court that would soon take me to prison with my ex girlfriend.

I didn't have any of this right here planned. Inside here, it's fine being who I am. I think. There's not really another way I could hide. But I'm terrified. I was in a relationship, but my ex appeared and I fell in love for her again: the person I _am_ fell for her again. When Larry comes here, that's just who I am outside I have to play again for a few minutes until I can be with her again. And it was such a good feeling.

Jesus, why did I pick Larry? I'm so stupid.

I think it's because I never trusted Alex after knowing what she's capable of. Okay, she was "just" an importer, but that screams a lot to me. I guess I'm just stupid to the bottom. I'm in love with that blindish sexy brunette.

Time to kneel down. Add that to how I enjoy my time inside this white hole.

"Jesus, I might be losing my mind. Be kind to me. I know I don't even believe in your existence and that I killed a follower of yours, but Alex was already taking me to hell with her anyway. Just please help me. I can't have her away from me the rest of our lives." I pray. Was that too ironic? I wish I could tell the difference, but I can't.

I sigh, and my thoughts are on Alex again.

_"Where would you like to go next?" Alex and Piper walked hand in hand along Paris streets, buying all the souvenirs they knew they'd never get to use on the hot weather in America. French hats, scarves and coats. Seeing a park nearby, they decided to sit for a while, dropping their bags close._

_"Home." Piper answered circling Alex's hand while they sat. "I want to go home to you even if for a day."_

_"Babe, we're together everywhere." Alex couldn't hide the smile that reached her lips._

_"No, but I want to see your place for a day. I've been there with you only… Twice?" Piper laughed nervously. "Please. I want to make memories for when you're able to return."_

_Alex's smile grew wider, and she took Piper's face on her hands to kiss her. She didn't care if anyone could see them. None of them did. They kissed lovingly, holding each other close, and Alex moved to her ear to she could answer. "Yes, let's do that and fuck on every corner of my apartment."_

_Piper bit her bottom lip and jumped on her girlfriend's lap, kissing her again. Nothing else mattered. "I fucking love you, Alex."_

_"I love you too, Pipes." Alex hugged her before standing up and taking the bags again. "It's our last night here in Paris," she pulled out a French accent. "Let's go out for a good restaurant where there's good wine and music."_

**A/N: **I really like this chapter, and I hope you guys do too! It's longer. School starts for me this week and together comes a busy month, but I won't stop updating, don't worry. I'll do my best to update at least once a week, if possible twice :) I'm open for ideas and I love any opinions you give. The next chapter will include the continuation of that memory. xoxo Mel


	4. Chapter 4

I spread my legs and let her control my body then, though it always seemed our bodies had their own rhythm and even if I didn't make much effort I'd end up touching her center back with my upper thigh until Alex had the strength to hold my wrists on my back, in place so I was reminded of who was in charge. Our bodies were sweating against the cold walls of her apartment for days when we arrived from the Paris trip, her hands were insistent and my own seemed to grow greedier with each new thing I'd learn about her.

Alex was the kind of person who didn't mean to be mysterious, she was open to me, but there was something about her. Each time we'd talk about a different time of our lives, I would discover she had tried so many things in life I never had the interest to pursue. It was kind of like she had opened my eyes not just to the world out there, but to inside myself as well. When I met Alex, I realized studying wasn't all that important because there were _so many exciting_ things to do. I would do anything for her.

_"Jesus, stop teasing me." Piper was pressed against the kitchen counter, both legs entwining Alex's legs. The dark haired woman had her fingers on Piper's stomach, sliding them down at times while they kissed feverishly until reaching her thigh, craving it there hard enough to make Piper moan loudly. Then her fingers would go up, touch Piper's clitoris lightly, but Alex wasn't in a rush. She did it repeatedly, smirking to her girlfriend._

_"Shush." Alex lowered her head and kissed the gap between Piper's breasts, turning her head to suck on her right nipple right after. Piper curved her toes and spread her legs a little wider, intending to lie down on the counter. She couldn't take it anymore. Alex bit on her nipple multiple times, made it wet enough and let her fall down, supporting the blonde with a hand on her back. Piper didn't take her eyes off her._

_"Come here."_

_Alex put her hands on Piper's both thighs, bringing her to the edge of the counter. She stared at her girlfriend's pussy amazed. "In a moment, sweetie." She kissed Piper's thigh in different spots, going crazy herself. "You're so wet."_

_Piper looked down and smiled, reaching for Alex's dark locks. "I love the look on your face right now."_

_Alex continued to kiss her intimately, sucking lightly on a few spots, hard enough for Piper to feel, but not to mark her. She drew her fingers up where they could touch the blonde's hip and got herself up on the counter, instantly being pulled by Piper for the most heated kiss they had shared that day. Piper closed her eyes tightly when she felt Alex's two fingers finally entering her and brought her own hands up to caress her, using one to pull Alex's neck closer so their lips would remain the closest possible even if she couldn't close her own due to the unstoppable moaning she was up to, and the other grabbed Alex's breast._

_Alex fucked her fast, mercilessly, like Piper had asked her to right on their first encounter. The blonde bit her bottom lip and forced her head up to kiss Alex's neck then, ready to let go. "I'm almost – oh-"_

_The older woman curved her fingers a last time before suddenly getting up and off the counter, grabbing Piper's arm._

_"What? No!" Piper panted looking horrified, she couldn't move. She got up and supported herself with her elbows right there. "What are you doing?!"_

_"We're not gonna _do_ every corner if we stay each time in an only place." Alex got closer and, seeing Piper wouldn't move no matter what she said, took her in her arms, running to the bedroom. Piper complained like an old lady and Alex laughed._

_Inside there, the blonde shook herself off Alex's arms and jumped on the bed, pulling her girlfriend by her shoulders._

_"Now you're screwed." She gave away an evil smile._

_This time, Piper threw Alex onto the bed, getting on top. She put one of her legs directly on Alex's center and the other aside, making Alex's right leg be between her own. She pressed her own and lay down forcing her whole body upon her girlfriend's, making her moan instantly._

_"Oh my god, Piper" Alex arched her pelvis, making her pussy meet right with Piper's thigh and moaned more. They kept going like that, Piper feeling a little of that power of being on top, and when she noticed Alex was going to lose it, she took her hand down to add more pressure to the mix of feelings Alex was having. Her own center was throbbing and her arm that was supporting her upon the brunette trembled hard, and it took a few more seconds for the two women to climax hard together, both bodies shaking hard against one another as if they were only one._

_Piper fell down beside Alex, taking her hand when she was able to regain her breath._

_"That was… oh." She sighed aloud. "wow."_

_Alex laughed. "That was fucking amazing." She rolled again and kissed Piper slowly. "I think I'm hungry now," she laughed again. "We've been having sex for the entire afternoon."_

_Piper smiled, kissing Alex's nose. "I can cook something for us after we shower."_

_Alex arched an eyebrow. "Together?"_

_They laughed. "Of course."_

I wish I could explain what happened to me that I'm no longer able to love like that anymore. My sex life with Larry was never close to that. I liked to think it was because when I met Alex I was much younger, inexperienced; as I said before, I wanted things. With Larry, things were normal. Like they were supposed to be, I supposed. But not really. Because then I found Alex again and I want her like that again, wasn't I so terrified.

I wish I could explain how the hell I was able to leave her when she needed me the most, even though she had hurt me the way she had. She had given me too much for me to do that. Now that I don't have anything to do in here, I'm sure that I'd have given out my name as well after so much betrayal, after so much time without seeing me. If I was her, I mean. Do I make any sense? Sometimes I think that I'm starting to get crazy.

Everything I touch turns cold. Before I was sent to this Psych area, I would try to make my feet and hands warm, but strangely they were always cold, like there wasn't any blood running inside my veins. I can't remember if outside prison I used to feel like this, but Larry never complained or even seemed to notice.

Alex though… Alex did.

_"Jesus, your hands are freezing. You're giving it to me."_

_"Sorry." Piper took her hands from Alex's, turning away and biting her bottom lip._

In that same day, Alex cried on my shoulders, but I felt like I couldn't make anything better, like I was infected. We were simply stuck in this place and I saw no way I could give her the love she deserved. I felt cold on the inside too, and all of my organs started to hurt, one by one, growing belief on the idea I was not enough. It's hard to explain, really, but I felt scared of myself and that affected the way I felt about Alex. Our connection was breaking, day after day, until I chose Larry. But I understand it was my entire fault. If I had asked her to warm up my hands, she would have, just like she had warmed up my sheets all those years ago. The problem would be solved.

The thing is, my hands are always so cold, but so is my heart. How do you fix that?

A tear rolled down my face and sudden steps came closer my room until someone unlocked the door and pushed it strongly, opening it wide open. It revealed Mrs. Healy, using those stupid clothes, like he does much for his job anyway to deserve the police uniform. Before Litchfield, I was always on these guys' side.

"You look like hell." The bastard took out a pen from his pockets and looked down at some piece of paper he was grabbing. I frowned and tried my hardest not to stare at him, sure I would not be able to contain myself. I wanted to jump right on the asshole's neck.

Right behind him walked in a nurse, the usual petite clumsy girl that never answers my questions or jokes about how the weather is always the same in this room. She carried a coffee cup that contained my pills, followed by a cup of water that I knew would keep me going until my next meal. I waited for her to hand me both cups in my bed, on my sitting position, not planning to act alike anything while that man was inside my cage. I nodded and curved my lips on a thin line when I was done, and she left, not before stumbling right in front Mrs. Healy on the way out. I kept my head down.

He laughed and looked at me, closing the door behind the girl. "Those pills must be doing something real serious to your brain. Sure you're alive?"

I wasn't going to lose my control. I couldn't kill another.

Hearing the sound of a giggle, I looked up, bored. "What do you want?"

"You see, Chapman, your life out there isn't gonna be easy."

"When am I ever going…"

"Shhh." Mrs. Healy frowned and waved his hands down, making motion for me to stay quiet. I could feel the anger rising up inside of me. I bit my lip. "Now you let me finish. You see, Chapman, since the day you first chose to become a lesbian in here, things became a little hard on you. I warned you to stay away from the dykes. Things would have been so much easier…" he took two steps closer, until his hand could reach my hair. Mrs. Healy pulled on my blonde strands and pressed my head against the cold wall, running his fingers on my cheeks. I felt humiliated. "You're so pretty, _Piper_."

I tried to put some strength and push him away, but I knew the more I did, the worst things would get. From the message I had gotten from detective Graham, Mrs. Healy was telling lies about what had actually happened. And that was obvious he would do, unless he had regretted his actions that night… which was also obvious he had not. He was a monster.

"I wish I could _use you_ some of these times."

I groaned, repulsed by the thought, as he finally let go of me. I looked at him straight in the eyes for the first time and yelled.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" Tears rolled down from my eyes and I could now escape them any longer.

Mrs. Healy got up and smirked, opening the door to leave. He turned to me to announce: "I just came in to say they're taking you back with the girls in the morning. Congratulations, you've been declared sane. I can't wait to know how much more time you're gonna get on your new trial."


End file.
